I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
