Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
