i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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