Welp...herpes.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
there is glitter all over my balls
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
