My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Is it penis luge time yet?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
