There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
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Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
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I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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