Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I take back everything I said about communal showers
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
