Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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