I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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