I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
