You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
