ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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