good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
