I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
