At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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