Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
