all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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