Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
