My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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