i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
