Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
