my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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