he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
