How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
