Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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