I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
