dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
