he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
