FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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