never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
