Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
