why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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