Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
