I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I want a musical about memes.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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