Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
