Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
