i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Semen is not good for contacts.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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