she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My life is pants optional.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
