walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize