my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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