I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
