Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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