I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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