How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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