Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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