He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
