wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
two words...techno handjob
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
