If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
