So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
