JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Randomize
