She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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