just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
