She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
