No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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