Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
