Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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