I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I skipped work to stalk him.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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