Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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