well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
