ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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