My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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