3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize