Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
