well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
