My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have already put on my inside pants.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
