I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
