I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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