I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
