you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
